Something Or Other
by Lady Storm
Summary: After one of Kagome's many attempts to sneak back home, the whole crew winds up in the modern day. What could be worst than police holdups, hanyous with razors, and suspicious friends? Well... not a lot. [ON HOLD, SEE CH. 1]
1. All For A Bath

**PLEASE READ THIS! **Alright, if you've followed the story thus far you've read my many promises that I'd update once a week. I was fully intenting to keep this promise, but I have moved.I do not have internet access at home, and the library computers do not allow floppy disks, USB drives, or CDs. This means I cannot upload ANYTHING. I do not know when I will be able to do so, so please forgive me. In the meantime... just, uh, stare at the wall and giggle to yourself.

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_Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic. Not even a single original character. Now that's just sad... but I hate original characters, so meep.  
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**SOMETHING OR OTHER  
**Chapter One: All For A Bath  
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She needed a break.

She deserved it too, after all, being dragged around by a hanyou in need of anger management therapy all day was hardly what classified as relaxing. The problem was that said hanyou was not too keen on letting her go, as if she would elope to Africa – did he even know what Africa was? - the second she was out of his sight. The result being that she had not bathed in days (with me now everyone: _EW_), and she could practically feel her brain slip behind everyone else's back in her own time_. There goes all hopes for my future_, she thought glumly. _I doubt I'll land a job at this rate, even with '_has been transported 500 years into the past and kicked bad-guy butt and therefore probably saved all human kind_' on my resume_.

"_Please_, Inu-Yasha?" she begged for the eighth time. Kagome was on her knees, her hands locked together as if in prayer. They were currently taking a break to eat one of the few lunches Kagome had left over from her last trip back home by the edge of the old priestess Kaede's village. Oh yeah, and she was also about to win the National Run-on Sentence Championship any day now. Yay for grammar.

"Keh," The hanyou snorted and looked away, his arms akimbo and his legs crossed in his usual arrogant pose. "Not a chance."

The miko sighed, exasperated. "But-!"

"We've got work to do!" Inu-Yasha retorted. "There's no time to lose on those… _examation_ things or whatever they are that you keep nagging me about."

"For your information, it's _examination_, and-" Kagome would have elaborated on where she was going to shove her foot and his _examations _when a certain lecher cut her off before she did any more damage to her chances.

"Please reconsider," said Miroku sagely, leaning nonchalantly against a tree. "We have not come across any youkai in a few days. I believe it is safe to give Kagome-san a chance to catch up with things back in her own time."

Kagome was grateful, but Inu-Yasha glared at the monk. "Butt out, bouzu."

Miroku would've replied with a few choice words, probably including his staff and Inu-Yasha's own behind, but Inu-Yasha cut in. "No seriously, stop rubbing Sango's butt."

The demon slayer in question glared at Miroku in agreement. When the monk failed to follow up on Inu-Yasha's command, she took matters into her own hands by whacking her _hiraikotsu_ across his skull. Keeping his poker face, Miroku retrieved his offending hand and folded his arms into his robes as he smiled innocently at Sango.

Kagome was not about to be thrown off track by a few petty interruptions. "Inu-Yasha…" she said softly.

The hanyou snorted again. Whatever. Didn't that girl _ever_ give up?

"Kagoooome," whined a small voice. "Inu-Yasha's being a jerk again." Shippou emerged from Kagome's over-sized sack – hey, demands had to be met - with treats overflowing from his small arms. He somehow managed to scurry up Kagome's own arm and settled himself on her shoulder to munch on the stolen goods.

_I noticed_, she thought darkly. _Well, if he wants to play that way…_ The young miko rose from her position and stalked away angrily.

"OI!" The hanyou stood up to follow her. "Just where do you think you're going!"

Kagome's eye twitched with fury and her hair started to float around her eerily, as if by their own accord. The rest of the group, minus Inu-Yasha, sighed.

"He never learns," Sango muttered and resumed cleaning her boomerang. Sensing disaster approaching, Shippou hurriedly climbed down from his perch on Kagome. Miroku unfolded his arms and took some last few hopeful bites of the remaining food.

"Inu-Yasha?" Kagome turned and asked sweetly. The dark and ominous aura surrounding the campsite suddenly intensified with the innocent word, if his name could be counted as one. Her anger flickered for a nano-second as the half-demon's ears twitched, but her irritation soon took its place once again.

The person in question blinked, oblivious to the danger signs and confused by Kagome's behaviour. "If it's about going back to your time again, it's still n-"

"SIT!"

"Gh-!" gasped the hanyou as he was dragged downwards, getting a mouthful of grass and dirt. The miko took her chance and ran to the forest, towards the Bone Eater's well. Inu-Yasha remained still for a few seconds – which was more than what could be said of his foul mouth - until the spell wore off, then quickly got up and bounded angrily after her, spitting out blades of grass.

Miroku put down his food regretfully and picked up his staff.

"Tell me you didn't see that coming," The demon exterminator sighed as she gathered her things to follow them. The monk responded by squeezing her behind.

In the woods, Kagome ran through the trees blindly, hoping against hope that Inu-Yasha would not catch up. Fate mocked her as she hastily glimpsed the hanyou running behind her. Life was just one cruel joke lately. All she wanted was a nice warm bath! Okay, and her bed. And maybe her cat. And a change of clothes. Some chocolate wouldn't hurt either -

"Get back here you little…!" the hanyou growled, gaining on Kagome. She put an extra burst of speed - _just think of the chocolate, Kag, chocolate is your friend_ - as she saw the well through the tree trunks in her way. _Just keep your eye on the prize - one hot bath!_

You'd think this little chase was a bit extreme, but it was quickly becoming a daily occurrence. This was, what, her fourth try this week?

Sigh.

Kagome's misery multiplied tenfold with a cry of dismay as Inu-Yasha reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her from jumping off the well's edge at the last second. _Every single frickin' time…!_

A little farther back, The remaining members of the gang hurriedly dismounted off their ride (_The Kirara Express, faithfully serving the slayers since 1497!_). Sango ran ahead, leading them, as she saw Inu-Yasha suddenly stop. It was impossible for the slayer to do the same now that her body was already in motion – she had acquired too much velocity running towards Inu-Yasha and Kagome. Echoing the miko's cry of distress, she plowed on and crashed into the hanyou's back.

It would require an idiot with an amazing lack of grey matter not be able to guess at what happened next. One by one, the group slammed into each other, ultimately falling into the well and banging a few heads – and other body parts, much to Miroku's short-lived delight, that will not be mentioned. There was a brilliant flash of light as Kagome hit the bottom, and the next second, she was gone.

Only so was everyone else.

- - - - - -

"…And that's how everyone got here." Kagome sighed as she sipped on her tea. Her mother was seated in front of her at their kitchen table, listening to her daughter's story nervously. Not that Kagome could blame her – Miroku was eyeing her with a distressing amount of interest. _I knew my mother was good looking back in her day, but for goodness sakes!_

"Pardon me, ma'am, but would you do me the honour of –" the monk began, sinking to his knees.

Kagome's fiery glare, Sango's hiraikotsu, and Inu-Yasha's fist prevented him from getting any further.

"…telling me where you relieve yourselves…?" Miroku finished lamely.

Kagome winced inwardly at the prospect of introducing her friends to modern plumage. _Oooh, the excitement that awaits us_, she though dryly. This was going to be a long day, and it wasn't even Monday yet.

"Kagoooome!" cried Shippou. "Your cat thinks I'm hiding catnip in my tail!"

_Come to the dark side,_ Kagome thought lamely. _We've got cookies._

…_Gosh I love bumper stickers_, she added as an afterthought.

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A/N: Salut mes amis! This is my first Inu-Yasha fic, so please excuse me if I get anything wrong. It's short, my apologies. How is it so far? Please feel free to be as brutal and honest as you like in your reviews – hint hint – so that I can get better.

Not last nor least, don't ask how Shippou knows what catnip is or how Kagome knows that bumper sticker. It's magic. Wooooosh.

On the other hand, if anyone mentions that I misspelled 'humour', 'honour' or anything else with 'u' in it, I will cry. There is such a thing as British spelling, guys. This fic's not going to be a 60-chapter epic, believe me - maybe ten, maximum.


	2. The Monk and Japan's Finest, prt 1

_Disclaimer: Please refer to the first chapter for the disclaimer._

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**SOMETHING OR OTHER  
**Chapter Two: The Monk and Japan's Finest, Part One  
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Bzzzzzzzz.

Kagome turned over in her sleep and mumbled into her pillow. "_Cut it out_," she grumbled. Sunday mornings were just as bad as Monday mornings.

Bzzzzzzz.

Something shook her and spoke her name, but she only grunted and weakly swatted the thing away. However, the thing wasn't about to give up. It drew close to her ear and screamed, "Kagomeeeeeeeee!"

She woke with a startled grunt and fell off her bed in surprise. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Kagome faintly saw Shippou clinging to her desperately. "Mnwhuh?" she slurred.

"Kagome, help!" the kit cried. "Inu-Yasha's trying to cut off my hair!"

Stretching, Kagome got up from the floor to face a sneering hanyou. After a few confused moments, she asked, "Uh… Inu-Yasha?"

He frowned at her. "Hai?"

"…Why are you holding my razor?"

The hanyou looked down at her electric razor in his hand and shrugged. "Keh. Your brother told me how it worked, and I thought I might try it out on a bit of fuzz…" He grinned at Shippou with an evil look. The kit responded by hiding behind Kagome's pajama-clad leg.

Instinctively, Kagome looked towards her bedroom door, where her brother Souta was standing sheepishly. "Souta…" she began dangerously.

"I know, I know, I shouldn't be telling them those things…" the younger sibling looked down in shame. "But Inu-Yasha promised to give me a ride on his back!"

_Mental note to self: lock doors, buy gun_. "No, that's not it. How do you know how razors work in the first place?" Kagome looked at her brother curiously. Souta blinked until the words sank in, then turned beet red and fled from the room.

"And you," Kagome growled as she turned back to the half-demon once the shock and confusion wore off. "How did you get your hands on my things?"

Inu-Yasha immediately dropped the razor – Kagome flinched – and jumped out the window, for once recognizing the signs of Kagome's oncoming wrath. "Right, run away!" Kagome screamed after him, leaning over the window's ledge. A few passersby at the edge of the shrine's land looked up at her, so Kagome quickly retreated.

Second mental note to self: plant landmines.

"Oh boy…" she grumbled. She had every reason to be mad – after all, who knew what a hanyou with a razor would do? As if the irony fairy was mocking her, Kagome saw some tufts of hair on the floor that were of a colour suspiciously like Shippou's. _If Inu-Yasha thinks he'll get away with this, he's got another think coming…_

"Kagome?" asked Shippou softly. The young girl squinted at the kit and saw that some bits of hair were missing in action.

_It's too early for this_, Kagome thought darkly as she glared at her clock. 8:03 a.m. _Great. I don't even get a proper excuse._

"It's alright," she said comfortingly as she picked up the fox demon. "I just have a feeling today is going to be worst than yesterday." And that was saying something. Miroku had somehow managed to flood the toilet, Kirara found a new victi – er, friend in Buyo, and Sango was forbidden to go anywhere near the kitchen due a certain accident which consisted of a massive gash in the wall, a certain lecher, and a certain boomerang. Not only _that_, but Kagome was surprised she hadn't won that National Run-on Sentence award yet.

- - - - - -

An hour later, everyone was seated in the living room - thanks to Sango banishment from the kitchen – and were watching the television. Well, some of them were, anyway. Sango and Shippou were actually watching the television itself, not the screen, in bewilderment. Inu-Yasha was tugging on Buyo's paws, and Miroku… Miroku?

"Hey, did anyone see Miroku?" Kagome said as she looked around the room. Sango's head snapped up as she dissected the group with her eyes.

"Maybe he's in the, uh… bathing room, Kagome-chan." she said half-heartedly.

"_And now, the latest in breaking news…"_ the news channel reporter began.

"Bathroom, you mean?" Souta looked up from his breakfast. "No, I just went in there."

_Thank you, captain too much information_, Kagome thought, disgusted.

The reporter continued. "_An assumed sex-offender has been roaming the streets today…"_

"Keh. 'Bouzu's probably out gaping at human girls," Inu-Yasha said with a hint of disgust, as if to suggest that every other kind of girl but human ones would be okay to gape at.

Everyone in the vicinity froze, and the television plowed on, as if taking its chance while everyone was silent. _"A young man disguised as a Buddhist monk has been spotted harassing several young school girls today. One group of girls claim that the offender asked each of them to carry his child and groped one of them. The attacks started just this morning, and police have been questioning locals for the whereabouts of this man. The offender looks around the age of nineteen and has jet-black hair, and carries a gold-adorned staff. If you seen this man, please report to…"_

Nobody spoke. Kagome could feel the air rush out of the room_. Third mental note to self: buy cattle prod. Poke Miroku repeatedly._

- - - - - -

After fifteen minutes, they had agreed (or rather, Kagome's grandfather had forced them) to head out and look for Miroku. Sango, Shippou, Kirara, Inu-Yasha and Kagome all grumbled their way out the door, thinking pleasant thoughts of Miroku's impending and painful doom. Sango, Shippou and Kirara went one way as Kagome and Inu-Yasha went another. They were to meet back at Kagome's residence in an hour. And, so as to not draw unwanted attention to themselves, they were dressed in modern civilian clothing (much to Inu-Yasha's discomfort, evident as his ears twitched within his baseball cap, giving the impression that the cap was moving on its own).

Once they were free, the hanyou leaped from building to building - focusing on not being seen - while Kagome looked for Miroku. Or she was supposed to, anyway. All she was currently looking at was Inu-Yasha's wild mane.

"Oi, wench. You lookin' or not?" Inu-Yasha growled as he hopped on the roof of a grocery store. Kind of hard not to notice someone trying to drill their head down your neck.

"Gyuh," Kagome responded. "Ahmgonnabeesuhck." _Ha. Decipher that, Sherlock._

"Huh?"

The miko buried her head further into Inu-hair. "'Think I'm gonna be sick," she groaned. _Too bad, Watson._

"What? Hey! Not on me!" Inu-Yasha panicked, and would've probably thrown Kagome right off if they weren't jumping over a busy intersection.

"Don't you dare!" Kagome screeched. Kikyou would never let her live it down: '_Yeah, I died too, but at least not squashed like a pancake with tire tracks on my back…'. _She sighed.

"Well, don't you either, wench!" Inu-Yasha growled. Hey, he might not brush his hair everyday, but he wasn't exactly comfortable with puke in it. He might be part dog, but even he had his limits.

Below them, a car screeched. "Aw, crud," Inu-Yasha mumbled (except he didn't say 'crud', exactly), and took a sudden turn to hide on a rooftop. Looks like someone noticed a peculiar red blob leaping from buildings. He repeated the word when his baseball cap fell off with the abrupt movement.

"Hey, over there," Kagome said suddenly after a few minutes, momentarily forgetting her motion sickness. A crowd had gathered in front of a high school not far from Inu-Yasha and Kagome's location on top of a manga chain. A few police cars were also parked nearby, with the officers patrolling around, muttering into their radios. She squinted to get a better look at the school, and her heart jumped to her throat. It was _her_ high school! _And if you were actually surprised by that, please smack yourself,_ she groaned. "Quick, let me down behind this store."

I have a feeling today is going to be worst than yesterday…

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A/N: Bonne journee mes amis! Thanks to everyone who reviewed… never thought people would actually read this story. While I read all the reviews, I want to single out Kitsune-miMIK for working out the titles and time period - 'Kirara Express' as I like to call it - problem. I've gone back and fixed it. Although I don't necessarily agree that Kirara had no previous owner – I remember one episode that heavily hinted that Kirara once belonged to that priestess… Midoriko or whatever her name is. I might be wrong though. Thanks for your help! And another thanks to everyone else. (_hands out e-cookies_)

Well, that was part one. Now, go read part two! Shoo, shoo!


	3. The Monk and Japan's Finest, prt 2

_Disclaimer: Please see chapter one for the disclaimer._

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**SOMETHING OR OTHER**  
Chapter Two: The Monk and Japan's Finest, Part Two  
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"Hey, over there," Kagome said suddenly after a few minutes, momentarily forgetting her motion sickness. A crowd had gathered in front of a high school not far from Inu-Yasha and Kagome's location on top of a manga chain. A few police cars were also parked nearby, with the officers patrolling around, muttering into their radios. She squinted to get a better look at the school, and her heart jumped to her throat. It was _her_ high school! _And if you were actually surprised by that, please smack yourself,_ she groaned. "Quick, let me down behind this store."

Inu-Yasha complied with a grunt, and the two ran towards the commotion once their feet touched the pavement, with the hanyou's ears down flat to avoid attention. Kagome gulped as she noticed a few of her classmates and friends, probably here for extra lessons. She was careful to duck her head whenever any looked her way – she definitely didn't want them to start up another conversation about her 'sicknesses' or her 'possessive boyfriend' when she had monk butt to kick. She and Inu-Yasha pushed their way to the middle of the crowd only to be blocked off by some of Japan's Finest.

"Sorry, miss, you can't go through here," one police officer said gruffly. Just past him, Kagome could see a familiar blob of black and purple being shoved against a patrol car by a few more men in uniform.

"This is completely unnecessary!" cried a shaken voice. "I was only curious, surely you can't be serious about this! I – hey! Kindly watch where you stick that thing!"

Inu-Yasha peered over the top of the officer's head to spot Miroku being patted down, his arms against the car. He had to choke down a laugh. Kagome nudged him in the ribs and hissed, "Come on, we have to get him out of here."

The hanyou snorted. "Keh. The bouzu got himself into this, he'll get himself out."

Kagome wanted to agree, but her darned conscience wouldn't let her. _Conscience, you are SO getting a demotion_, she thought to herself darkly. _But you wouldn't be sweet dear Kagome without me_, it responded, chuckling with malice.

"I don't get paid enough for this," she grumbled. Inu-Yasha looked at her oddly. _Crap! Alright, no more one-sided conversations with myself._

She would have continued that conversation nonetheless if another familiar voice hadn't cut through the throng of noise. "Kagome! Inu-Yasha!"

The two in question turned to see Sango running towards them with Shippou and Kirara on each of her shoulders. "What's going on?" She asked, frowning, as she caught sight of Miroku. Her frown quickly turned into an expression of alarm. "Er, what are they doing to him?" Japan's Finest were still hard at work patting the monk down.

Kagome coughed, aware of how awkward the procedure looked to people unfamiliar with the situation. "They're just checking that he's not carrying anything… dangerous."

The irony fairy was at work again as one officer dealing with Miroku was currently trying to tear his staff from his grasp. "Look, buddy, you're not making this any easier!" The officer growled.

Sango and Inu-Yasha said nothing, both watching with unreadable expressions.

The moment was complete when news reporters started to shove forwards, with cameras and microphones everywhere. Kagome felt ready to cry – from laughter or frustration, she could not tell - and everyone else's brains were about to implode with confusion.

"Sir, sir, what is the current situation?" The very same news reporter they saw earlier on TV was shoving her microphone at the police officer in front of the Inu-crew. The cop just grunted and resumed keeping people away from the 'offender'. Hadn't they ever heard of police tape?

"Come on, we've got to do something," Sango muttered as the officers were trying to push Miroku into the police car. The monk resisted, his limbs spread out like an animal carpet to prevent him from fitting into the car. Inu-Yasha grunted, unwilling to help, but having to nonetheless. However, Kagome agreed, albeit stifling down a laugh. Hey, it was a funny sight, alright?

"Oi, bouzu!" Inu-Yasha roared, gaining the attention of anyone within a one mile radius. The 'bouzu' nearly collapsed with relief. He thought this would never end… how was he supposed to know that you weren't allowed to feel women up in this era?

"Go, Shippou!" Sango cried as the kit threw himself from her shoulder and transformed into a giant spinning top. Kagome, Kirara, Sango, and Inu-Yasha ducked and ran towards Miroku, pushing the officers out of the way. Kirara transformed into her larger and more threatening form, scaring off anyone who wasn't caught up in the confusion and trying to stop them. The officer holding Miroku down gaped and ran out of the cat demon's way, leaving the lecherous monk free to hop on The Kirara Express behind Sango.

Once Kirara had gotten away safely, Shippou dropped his transformation and was grabbed by the scruff of his neck by Inu-Yasha. They managed to escape from the mass hysteria, catching up to the others.

"Great going, bouzu," Inu-Yasha growled. Sango voiced her agreement by violently jabbing her elbow into Miroku's stomach.

"Well, Kagome-sama, at least you can't complain of having a boring time," the monk wheezed, regaining his calm composure.

Even Shippou gave him a dirty look at that one, and Kagome seethed. _Fourth mental note: Give cattle prod to Sango. Watch Miroku scream._

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A/N: Well, I hope this chapter successfully followed up to the first, anyway. On a good note, I'll be updating once a week for a while. I'm moving in September (what a time to move…) so I might not be able to keep it up all the time, but I'll try.


	4. Jail Bait and Irony Fairies

_Disclaimer: Please see chapter one for disclaimer details._

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**SOMETHING OR OTHER  
**Chapter Three: Jail Bail & Irony Fairies  
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After a few minutes of constant dodging and backtracking through the city, the group finally made it back to the Higurashi shrine. As soon as their feet touched the ground, Kagome's mother rushed out to greet them fretfully, wiping her hands on her apron.

"Is everyone alright?" She asked, looking everyone over and giving Miroku an unreadable look, which he shrugged off innocently.

"Just fine, mom," Kagome said wearily as she was pulled into a hug. "Except, uh…"

Mrs. Higurashi looked at her, blinking with confusion. "Nani?"

Kagome pulled away quickly and practically ran inside. "Look, if you get a visit from certain men in uniform, tell them you don't know us," she shouted from the doorway.

"Now you wait one minute young lady!" Mrs. Higurashi's eyes grew huge as she calmly ushered everyone inside, to the living room. The television was on, still fixated on the news channel currently reporting on the '_offender on the loose'_. "Are you telling me that you are on the run from the police?"

Her daughter put on her best sorry face. "Maaaaaaybe?" _Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap… must change topic… "_Um, where's Souta?"

Kagome's mother's eyes narrowed. "Out with his friends. And don't change the subject, young lady."

_Well, there went that idea_. "Hey, you said to go find him!" Kagome argued.

"Find him, yes, not drag him away while all of Japan watches," Her mother said with a sweeping gesture at the television.

Alarm bells went off in their heads. Shippou and Kirara hid in the kitchen while Sango, Miroku and Inu-Yasha tried to run upstairs, but were blocked by Kagome's grandfather. They reluctantly trekked back to the kitchen.

However Mrs. Higurashi was, amazingly, more worried than mad. "Honey, we can't hide lord monk here forever, and we can't afford any trouble with the law…"

The monk opened his mouth, probably to remind them that he was still in the room, but Inu-Yasha interrupted. "Keh. Bouzu can just go back to our time, can't he?" The hanyou asked, annoyed, as he sat crossed legged on the floor. Everyone agreed, save for –

"No way." Sango sat up from her seat at the table, banging her fists lightly on the wooden surface. "As _if_ I'm letting that lecher out on his own to grope women freely."

This caused many eyebrows to raise within the room, and Miroku looked both touched and offended. _Can we say 'obsessive'?_ Kagome thought. Oh well, there was no point in arguing any further… after all, contradicting a slayer was like teasing a Great White shark. You were bound to get your head bitten off at one point. "Well then, that's out," she said cheerfully. "Looks like you won't be leaving the house anytime soon, Miroku."

His face paled greatly. "Surely you jest, Kagome-sama. I was not doing anything wrong, after all."

Sango looked the other way as she jabbed him with her elbow forcefully, and Inu-Yasha mumbled something that sounded quite profane. Kagome glared at the hanyou. How dare he use such language in her house! The second he was in a wide open space, she would _sit_ him so many times he'd crash through the sewers…

Miroku grinned apologetically. "Well, maybe it was a little out of line…" _A little. Right. With me now everyone: D-E-N-I-A-L._

Kagome remembered just the other day when Miroku had tried to help her convince Inu-Yasha. She decided to repay the favour… even if he owed much worse now. "Well, it should be okay if he just doesn't go out, right? I mean, what's the police going to do, search every house they come by?"

Her words seemed to calm the others, and they relaxed somewhat, agreeing. That is, until a few harsh knocks at the door brought them out of their false sense of security.

"Police, open up!"

Irony fairy, checking in.

- - - - - -

Three hours, an arrest warrant, and one bail later found Kagome, her grandfather Jii-chan, and Miroku walking away from the local police station. They were joined by Inu-Yasha, Shippou, and Sango. The monk was being silent and lagging behind, probably ashamed for all the trouble he made everyone go through. …Or he might be busy checking out Sango's rear.

"So, how'd it go?" Shippou asked from Sango's shoulder.

_Oh boy, not only do I get to have my house searched, but I have the honour of explaining the legal system!_ Kagome thought sourly. "Well, we managed to get off easily enough claiming that Miroku was an orphan with amnesia searching for fulfillment through women, and his papers were lost in a fire in Europe." _Where was that gosh darn run-on award?_

Everyone save Kagome's grandfather blinked. "Yourope? Papers? Amaneesha?" Sango asked, confused.

Jii-chan chuckled, rather amused by the recent event. "No, Europe. A continent."

Inu-Yasha snorted, his arms crossed in his famous posture. "You planning on talking properly any time soon, old man?"

Kagome's grandfather laughed again and leaned over to whisper in her ear; "Things always get interesting whenever Inu-Yasha comes around, don't they?"

Despite the trouble, Kagome had to admit it. _Never a boring day._ The thought made her smile… at least until she remembered tomorrow was Monday. With that thought, her mood came crashing down. _I'd give up an eventful day any time just to catch up at school_, she thought glumly. She had started to become a something like a joke in her classes, especially in math. _Maybe I pissed off the irony fairy in a past life._ Thoughts of Kikyou in different humorous situations ran through her mind, and she amused herself momentarily wondering what the priestess could have done to provoke a spirit's wrath.

"So what are we going to do now?" Inu-Yasha asked, snapping Kagome back to reality and ignoring stares of passersby who recognized Miroku. The monk in question winked at them, and they immediately ran away.

Kagome grunted. _I wish I only had my entertainment to worry about._ She sighed as she listened to her grandpa explain to the others what Europe and Amnesia were.

The hanyou looked at Kagome, confused. What was up with her? Smiling one second, then drowning in self-pity the next. Didn't they have a name for that kind of behaviour in human females…? Inu-Yasha coughed and awkwardly put his arm around the miko. Well, it seemed to work in those romance novels Kagome kept stashed under her bed… Never did get the point of them, but…

Kagome blinked, then smiled as she realized what Inu-Yasha was doing. Well. The irony fairy must be getting tired. Maybe she wouldn't _sit_ Inu-Yasha _that_ hard…

They got back home way past lunch, and spent the rest of the day playing card games, shooting Miroku dirty looks, playing more card games, playing board games, and playing even more card games. Miroku seemed especially keen on playing the infamous strip poker after Souta explained it to him, but Sango's hiraikotsu – Souta, Kagome's mom, and her grandfather flinched - stopped him from encouraging others any further to play it.

At first Kagome tried to fit in a little bit of studying, but eventually she gave up when she spotted Inu-Yasha running after Shippou with a hairdryer (darn those extendable cords…) in the hall. Her hopes sank even deeper when Sango came stomping in (Miroku hard at work again?), in desperate need of the all-mighty girl-talk. This resulted in Miroku eavesdropping, then getting run over by Inu-Yasha and Shippou. 'NEVER AGAIN' was written pretty clearly all across Mrs. Higurashi and Jii-chan's faces by the end of the night. At least Souta and Buyo didn't mind their guests.

And it's not even Monday yet… Kagome resisted the urge to bang her head continuously against a brick wall.

Fifth mental note to self: Elope to Africa as soon as possible.

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**EDIT - **Oops! Somehow this chapter over-wrote Part Two when it got uploaded. Sorry about that. **/EDIT**

A/N: A few things about the chapter:

1. I don't know if the police operates the same way in Japan that they do in North America (I'm not being racist, for lack of a better word, I just have no clue), so please excuse me. I know no one gets away from jail as easy as Miroku did, but… well, read the next excuse. 2. Another apology for making time periods skip. It was only once I sat down to write this chapter that I realized I was in way over my head with the Miroku 'arc' and I had no idea on how to go about it… so scenes just hop all over the place.  
3. This chapter's not very funny… my apologies… (_bows_)

…And I have to work on cutting down my author's notes. Taters! 


	5. Thinking is a Dangerous Thing

New disclaimer! I don't own Pokémon, KISS, Smirnoff Ice commercial slogans, Link from Legend Of Zelda ("The tunic-clad man"), Barney – thank the llama lord - and KFC's Colonel Sanders. Am I forgetting something here? … … … Inu-Yasha. Right. Don't own that either. I tried, though, goodness knows I tried. (glares at Rumiko Takahashi's lawyer) Oh yeah, about Colonel Sanders Dolls…the Japanese have this fixation with him You can get these little figurines of him in all sorts of outfits… gladiator, cowboy… it's freaky, but strangely cute. CoughCHICKENTORTURERcough.

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SOMETHING OR OTHER  
**Chapter Four: Thinking is a Dangerous Thing (But Food is Worse)  
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Kagome was sitting all alone at a cheap diner, poking a stuffed Pikachu doll with a fork. "What the hey? This isn't the seventh hundred pokémon," she cursed. Where were you supposed to go to get some quality Colonel Sanders dolls around here? All they had were gigantic KISS figures… ruddy American music…

She glared at the menu. Why was it in German? Wasn't this Africa, after all? Kagome squinted at it. "Zwölf kännchen Schokolade mit Sahne… und… eine Tasse Kaffee mit Milch und Zucker, bitte?" she stuttered to the annoyed chef behind the counter, dressed in Barney suit. He grunted and clapped his hands together.

"Alright, two swimming pools, coming right up." He grunted and jumped off a magically appearing cliff. A faint "_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah_…!" was heard, getting softer and softer by the second.

Kagome sat up, terrified. "No, wait!" She screamed at the falling figure in horror. "…I take it back, I don't want cream with my hot chocolate!" She paused when the only reply was a loud popping noise. Kagome flinched. "Darnit, what crappy service. They _always_ do that."

"I know," said a suddenly appearing young man sadly. Kagome glanced at him and did a double take.

"Sir, are you…?"

"Wearing tights?" The man interrupted with a sigh.

"Erm, I was asking about the skirt, but now that you mention it…"

"Those are pants." The man hesitated at Kagome's disbelief. "Really… _tight_ pants. And that 'skirt' is a tunic."

"Right. Gotcha." Kagome said as she took a gulp of orange juice. The skirt – um, tunic-clad man looked at her warily.

"Better not have too many drinks. It's illegal to drink and sled in Switzerland," he said matter-of-factly, gesturing to the sleds chained up behind the counter. The miko shook her head knowingly.

"Well, I'll be leaving now." Kagome's acquaintance put down his glass and walked around the counter. He took a deep breath and jumped off the cliff with a loud "Geronimoooooooooooo!".

Abruptly, as, Kagome's menu transformed into a pink dragon, she started to realize that… something was wrong about all this…

Something… _strange_… With a jolt, it came to her.

She had meant to order some apple strudel!

"Who do you have to sleep with to get some Apfelstrudel around here?" she screamed out angrily.

The hopeful face of a pimply male adolescent peered over the counter. "In your dirty dreams," Kagome grunted. The boy's face fell and disappeared again.

Suddenly, Inu-Yasha landed on the counter. "Why'd you push her off, wench?" He growled, referring either to the chef or the skirted – sorry – man. "She was only trying to get you your swimming pools." The hanyou spat and shifted in his red haori.

"Well, aren't we mister righteous." Kagome glared back up at him coolly. "Back off, boy, you're standing on Pikachu's ear."

"'Kachu," the annoyed pokémon said crossly.

"Oh, sorry, Pooky." Inu-Yasha apologized.

"Pikachu."

"What!" the hanyou looked down at Kagome, still on the counter. She stared at his feet. How did he hop around all his life and not get those dirty...? Inu-Yasha's growl brought her back to surreality. "Did you just say 'Sesshoumaru'!"

She looked up. "What, am I going too fast for you? I said –"

"KAGOMEEEEEEEEE!"

- - - - - -

Wwwwheeeeeoow….

Kagome turned over in her sleep and mumbled into her pillow. "_I want my Apfelstrudel_," she grumbled. What day was today?

Wwwwheeeeeoooow…

"KAGOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Something shook her and spoke her name, but she only grunted and weakly swatted the thing away. However, the thing wasn't about to give up. It drew close to her ear and screamed, "Kagomeeeeeeeee!"

She woke with a startled grunt and fell off her bed in surprise. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Kagome faintly saw Shippou clinging to her desperately. "Mnwhuh?" she slurred.

"Kagome, help!" the kit cried. "Inu-Yasha won't stop using that freaky metal thing to blow hot air in my face!"

Rising weakly from her tangled sheets, she stared dumbly as Inu-Yasha slowly retreated from her room, hiding something with an electrical cord producing from it behind his back. Shippou sniffed and climbed on top of her head, his hair (or rather, what remained of it… just _what_ was Inu-Yasha doing with that razor?) looking windblown.

Gee, something about today seems familiar…

Sighing, Kagome stumbled to the bathing – oh, sorry, Sango… heh heh heh - bathroom down the hall, with Shippou still in tow, and checked the bathroom cupboard. Lotions – check, random crap – check, razor - …well, that's excusable, towels - check, cosmetics – check, things that will not be mentioned due to this fic's rating - check… Mystified but still not properly awake enough to care, Kagome shut the cupboard doors and turned on the bath water.

Shippou blushed. His mother had told him all about the birds and the bees… had Kagome forgotten he was there?

…Better be quiet, just in case, he thought happily.

However, Kagome took washing your face to another level – she dunked her head under the powerful stream of water and gargled. Shippou blinked as she then turned off the tap and shook her head clear of water, spraying the kit in the process.

"Ah, that's good stuff. Not as good as eine Tasse Kaffee, but…" She said cheerfully.

Shippou stared at her and wondered if she had stolen his catnip.

- - - - - -

Kagome trudged to school reluctantly an hour later, wondering what sickness she had been suffering from lately as she tugged at her uniform's skirt. The sky overhead was a clear forget-me-not blue, with barely a cloud in sight. It did not reflect her mood, which was anticipating, worried, and downright pissed. Just a few minutes before Kagome left for school, Miroku had made another attempt at her mother, and Shippou was loosing more and more hair. Her answer to the earlier question came in the form of her three friends, Eri, Ayimi, Yuka, who were talking amongst themselves at their usual spot in front of the school.

"Kaaag!" They squealed happily when they saw her, and they ran towards their friend. "We didn't know you were here! You could've called us!" They chatted joyfully, hugging Kagome and bringing her up-to-date with the events at school while she was absent. She laughed with them and temporarily forgot about the earlier events. _Ah, to be normal again._ All seemed to be going well until…

"We heard about your 'Situation', Kag…"

The miko forced a smile. "Uh… what 'Situation'?" _This has 'bad news' smeared all over it in bright red ink…_

Ayimi smiled sadly. "No need to pretend, Kagome-chan. We've started to figure it out. Come on, Kag, you can't lie to us... You aren't _really_ sick, are you?" Eri and Yuka nodded.

Kagome swallowed. Just what had Jii-chan done? How could he let others find out! "Look, I know it's weird, but you can't tell anyone…" she started nervously.

Somehow her friends understood. Yuka giggled. "Oh, of course. Hojou-kun would be even more disappointed."

Oh…? Oh! That's right, they knew about Inu-Yasha… But how did they know that she…? _Well, this sure was awkward…_

"To find out that you were only doing it for… well…" Yuka trailed off, and Kagome blinked. _Huh?_

"Or maybe he might take it a certain way and be pleased!" Ayimi said thoughtfully as they walked inside the school when the bell rang, as students shoved other out of their way to get to their destinations.

"What are you guys talking about?" Kagome asked. Her knees were tremulous and her thoughts raced in her head like a flock of birds.

Eri frowned at her. "You're not going to deny it, are you? We put two and two together, Kag-chan, and you can't lie to us anymore..."

Kagome thought she was going to faint, right there in the hall. She clutched her schoolbag, her nails digging into the fabric.

"You…" Yuka paused. "You have a factitious disorder, right?" Her friends stopped at their lockers and looked at her.

Her mouth hanging open, Kagome blinked at them. Factitious…? She opened her mouth, then closed it again. What the He-

"Kagome-sama!"

The person in question turned to find Hojou racing towards her. Her friends gave her a meaningful look and Ayimi whispered, "Don't worry, we haven't told him about your 'Situation' nor your… boyfriend. But the longer you lead him on…" Then they quickly stashed their things and ran off, looking back with a concerned look at Kagome. _Oh, sure, encourage me then ditch me._

Could this day get any worse?

"I heard about your whooping cough, Kagome-sama. Don't worry, I'll never leave your side. In fact, I have something for you…" Hojou began.

_…Aw crap. I just jinxed myself, didn't I?_ Kagome sighed._ Today's forecast: CRAPPY with a hint of kill-me-now._

- - - - - -

_Well, at least I'll make a good weather forecast woman_, Kagome thought, irritated. She walked towards her locker and saw Eri, Yuka and Ayimi waiting for her.

"Hey guys," she said weakly as she opened her locker to gather her stuff. TGIF… Oh, wait, it was Monday. Well, crap, that explains it.

"So, Kag, did you tell him?" said Eri impatiently.

Inwardly, Kagome groaned. "Tell him _what_?" At her response, her friends looked at each other.

"She _is_ in denial…" Yuka whispered loudly.

Ayimi bit her lip. "What will we do?"

_Gee, now I'm invisible all of a sudden. _"I hate to break it to you guys, but I'm still here," The pissed miko said dryly as she clutched her backpack. _Aah, what a way to vent anger._

Ignoring her statement, Yuka looked at Kagome worriedly. "Kagome, don't be like that. We did some research, so we know what's up."

_Someone tell me what's going on before I jump off a cliff… hey, speaking of cliffs… _"What _is_ up!" Kagome seethed. _Great, I sound like a gangstah now. Yo, man. What the hook gon' be._

"You have – erm, _could_ have a factitious disorder," Eri said bluntly. "You – er, _would_ - pretend to be sick to get attention. Or – OH!" she stopped in her tracks, making the kids behind smack into each other. She ignored their threats and grumbling.

"Maybe you're not one with the disease… maybe your grandfather has _Munchausen by Proxy_!" She continued excitedly, not about to be deterred.

"Munchau…?" Kagome blinked. _Well, _exc-yuuuse me_ if I'm not a walking talking science textbook_…

"When someone makes or fakes someone else's sickness to get attention or pity for being the caretaker of a sick being," Eri ranted on. Yuka and Ayimi's faces got brighter and brighter as they mentally added up the facts.

"That's gotta be it! That's just horrible… Don't worry though, we won't ditch you," Ayimi stated hurriedly when she saw Kagome's face.

They won't ditch me, huh. Yet they'll accuse me and my grandfather of having a mental disease. O Joy.

"Kagome-sama!"

Sixth Mental note to self: Jump off cliff.

"Hojou, _not_ – huh?"Kagome turned to face whom she thought was Hojou… but it couldn't have been farther from the truth.

"…Miroku?"

Ayimi, Eri, and Yuka stared in wonder at the group of people who had come to greet Kagome. A man in black and purple robes, accompanied by a woman with long brown hair and… "Hey Inu-Yasha!" Kagome's friends greeted him enthusiastically.

"Hey," The hanyou said indifferently, cocking his cap in annoyance. Kagome didn't know whether to cry or smile. _This should be interesting…_

"Oi, aren't you that perverted wannabe-monk guy in the news from yesterday?" Yuka began suspiciously, glaring at the robe-clad man.

Her head scrambling for an excuse, Kagome smiled innocently. "No, this is… er… his twin brother."

…Silence.

"Okaaaaay." Her friends said slowly. "Hello, uh, …lecherous monk's twin brother."

"Hello, hello," Miroku said happily, greeting Ayimi, Yuka and Eri and ignoring their stares. "What fine friends you have here, Kagome-sama…" The monk trailed off while his eyes drifted down to their legs.

The long-haired woman with him burned a hole through his head with her eyes. She slapped him right across the face and the monk grinned sheepishly, tenderly touching the bright red handprint on his cheek. Kagome's friends stared some more.

Inu-Yasha and Kagome rolled their eyes. "Why are you guys here?" The latter hissed. "Are you crazy, what if the police spots him…?"

The hanyou smirked. "Keh. Relax, wench. These losers are too terrified to do anything." He indicated roughly to the other students swarming about the grounds, few glancing in their direction, eager to get home. He winced when Kagome mouthed the word 'sit', but it wasn't enough to actually be effective. Still, the threat worked wonders.

"What?" Inu-Yasha asked, offended. "They are. No one's freaked out yet."

"Yeah. Clue in, Inu-Yasha: keyword, _yet_." Kagome hissed. _I am surrounded by morons. …Morons with puppy-dog ears… _her thoughts trailed off as she stared intently at his twitching cap as if hypnotized. _Must… feel… ears… …Gweeee…_

"So, what's your _twin brother _up to?" Ayimi said to Miroku slowly, catching Kagome's attention and looking over at her with a cool glance as she said 'twin brother'.

"Oh, he's, ah…" Miroku looked around, completely clueless. _Way to give us away,_ Kagome mentally sighed.

"He's doing time for his sentence," The miko filled in helpfully.

"Oh. I see." Eri said. Kagome's friends gave her a long stare that screamed, 'do we look that stupid?' …_You'd be surprised_, Kagome thought sourly. _Go Factitious Disorder your arses._

Her conscience checked in once again._ Now, now, they're your friends, Kag. _Kagome snorted. _Call them friends! What about that time they all refused to give me their notes right before that exam, when I had just gotten back from the feudal era?_

_… _Her conscience was silent._ Yeah, I thought so too, _Kagome thought smugly._ I love winning mental battles with myself._

"Well, we better get going," The woman who slapped Miroku said finally. "That man is starting to use that… tallyphone thing…" she whispered to Kagome, pointing at the headmaster in the second floor window, glaring at Miroku with a phone in hand.

Kagome gulped. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but my mother expects me home right away tonight – gotta go!" She said hurriedly as she grabbed Inu-Yasha's arm and fled, with Miroku and Sango hot on her heels.

"Call us!" Ayimi hollered, and the other shouted their good-byes.

She flapped her free hand at them. "Sure, sure. Bye!" Once they were out of sight, she sighed. "I was this close to jumping off a cliff today," she informed Sango, holding up her thumb and index finger to indicate the closeness. Inu-Yasha tugged his arm free, sensing a boring bout of girl talk, and left them to walk with the monk.

Sango muttered her agreement. "Houshi-sama wouldn't keep his hands off anything of the female gender all day." Kagome squinted ahead and saw that there actually were multiple, yet mostly faded, handprints all over Miroku's face. "He even tried to hit on the stray mutt."

"That bad, huh," The miko sympathized, wincing.

The demon slayer sighed. "I'm a little miserable here, Kagome-chan. Lord monk is keeping my hands full."

Kagome, despite the misery in her friend's voice, couldn't help but snort. "Yeah, I _bet_."_ Miroku sure has been keeping _his_ full…_

Sango couldn't help but laugh, even as she blushed. "I'd never!" she said, shocked.

Kagome cocked an eyebrow. "Oh reeeeeaaaally…"

"What are you hinting, Kagome-chan?" The demon exterminator narrowed her eyes.

"The one and only…. _CAT FIGHT_!" The two girls giggled as they swatted their hands at each other.

…What? It's educational. Builds your reflex, ya know.

In front, Inu-Yasha and Miroku stared behind them in mute wonder. Miroku looked at the hanyou feebly. "We saw nothing."

"We don't know them," Inu-Yasha agreed.

And that was how they walked home, with two girls deeply engaged in a life-or-death cat fight and the two boys walking ahead _very fast_ so no one could associate them to the girls.

- - - - - -

When they got back to the Higurashi shrine, dinner was already served and waiting for them at the table. Miroku and Inu-Yasha arrived a few minutes before the girls, looking thoroughly disturbed. Mrs. Higurashi, Jii-chan, and Souta discovered why when Sango and Kagome walked in, giggling like mad and their hands bright red. It was such a strange sight that Shippou refrained from jumping on Kagome, and decided to question Inu-Yasha instead.

"What did they do to their hands?" the kit asked, puzzled.

The half-demon grunted and crossed his arms. "Heck if I know."

"So… how was your day, Kagome?" Kagome's mother said cheerfully, handing everyone bowls of food as they sat down at the low table.

"Aw, so-so." The miko said nonchalantly as she tickled Shippou. "I've had better. How about you, Souta? How's your girlfriend?"

Souta blushed at Kagome's reference to his friend Hitomi. "She's not my…!" Inu-Yasha gave him a hard look, and Souta sighed dejectedly. "Fine. She's fine."

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes. Boring eating rituals… talking about your day, of all things. _Keh. What a waste of time._ He kept those thoughts in mind as he inhaled another cup of instant ramen.

The room was silent for a few minutes while everyone ate up. "Oh!" Miroku exclaimed as he spilt his soba broth all over Sango's lap. "My apologies. Let me clean it up for you…"

Sango slapped him instantly as the monk reached over to pat her lap dry with his napkin, trying getting a feel in the process. "No, that's quite alright, lord monk," she said coldly.

Inu-Yasha smirked. "Close, but no cigar," he said almost fondly, using a line he recently picked up. Everyone glared at him.

"You're encouraging him!" Kagome hissed angrily.

The monk cried out indignantly and almost accusingly, "Encouraging me to do what, exactly, my dear friends?" while his hand crawled slowly towards Sango's posterior.

Sango's arm rose to smack Miroku again, but it somehow magically connected with her bowl of rice in the act. The bits of projectile rice flew in Souta and Shippou's faces, with soy sauce and egg whites dripping on the floor.

"Oy!" the kitsune cried out indignantly and threw his own bowl in revolt. Souta gleefully followed his actions.

"Sorry, sorry!" Sango cried as she threw her arms up to protect herself from the flying food.

Kagome slammed her fists down on the table in fury. "Hey, knock it off!" she screeched. Ironically – surprise, surprise – the table vibrated and knocked some everyone's food on their laps. Miroku cheerfully took his chance and swiped the food off Sango's lap, getting quite a feel.

"There you are, my dear Sango," the monk said, knowing what was coming. "I was only trying to he –" Sango dumped the remainder of her plate of bonito tataki on his head to silence him.

Kagome's family – minus Souta, who was enjoying himself immensely – watched in horror as Kagome's friends, including Kagome herself, began throwing the carefully cooked food around the once spotless room. Buyo and Kirara ran around gleefully, rolling about the remains and jumping on each other.

Inu-Yasha sighed. _If you can't beat 'em, and you can't bash their heads together, join 'em_. With that thought in mind, he grabbed his cup of tea and dumped its contents Kagome's sleek jet black hair. She retaliated by dipping a handful of his bangs into the hishiho miso soup. Sango was currently making it her mission to shove bits of spiced vegetables in everyone's ears, and Shippou was using Miroku's staff to beat off Souta's seaweed paper attacks. Kagome's grandfather finally snapped when the monk's staff painfully connected with his bald head. He grabbed the staff and whacked Miroku with it, who was rubbing rice all over Souta's hair. Then Jii-chan proceeded to give Shippou's tail a sake bath.

"Join in, ma!" Souta giggled as Miroku smeared the white flakes all over the boy's face triumphantly. The person in question sighed and merely accepted that it was going to be a long night as she took a sip of sake and watched the foot fight escalate.

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A/N: I actually did research for this chapter! For the food, obviously. (_Gasps_) See what I do for you people?

For those of you wondering what Kagome orders in her dream (because OF COURSE you were… don't deny it…), it's twelve pots of hot chocolate with cream (_Zwölf kännchen Schokolade mit Sahne_) and a cup of coffee with milk and sugar (_Eine Tasse Kaffee mit Milch und Zucker_). Yes, twelve, it's _supposed_ to be weird. Boy, am I proud of being able to translate that… (_pats self on back_) Jealous yet? (_gets smacked_) Meep.

While I was reading the reviews (Danke by the way!), I got worried. I'm _not_ going to update everyday (I'd chew up my hard drive and drool all over the keyboard…), I just happen to be doing so lately. I said I'd update at least once a week, sorry for getting any hopes up. Things will slow down eventually. Anyway, thanks to my luverly reviewers! (_hands out cookies_)

For those of you who are confused about Kagome's friends knowing Inu-Yasha, they meet in one of the not-so-recent chapters in the manga (I forgot which one exactly). You can try to find it at '**ear dash tweak dot com**' in the manga section, though it's in the archives by now. Still, I managed to find it, so it should still be there. And that's my plug/shameless advertising for today, haha.

Wow, this chapter is actually longer than the others… hm. I doubt others will follow this one's example. D:

I've got a good idea for the next chapter… think media. Muahahahaha… >:D Auf Wiedersehen, my friends.


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